trust trust trust trust trust

its a rainy 'ol keokuk day today.  i like it though.  im not worried about a tornado striking me down like i was in jomo.  storms here are really relaxing.

last weekend, dean trune came to speak at our church.  and timmy volunteered to pick him up from the airport, so we got to talk with him over our two (and a half-ish) hour car ride.  it was great getting to know him as a person and not just as a speaker.  

at our church's "revival" workshop he told us how if he wakes up in the middle of the night, feeling wide awake, he just takes that as God wanting to talk to him.  so he gets his bible and his journal and he asks God, "what do you want to tell me?" and God always answers.  

so the other night, i was wide awake because timmy was sick.  and i was worried.  and i couldn't fall asleep.  so i did the same thing.  and i asked, "God, what do you want to tell me?"  and it was so clear, "trust me."  the first thing that came to mind was that kids' song that's like "Be strong and courageous do not be terrified. do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you." something like that... from 1 Chronicles 28.20 and i just sank.  

i worry a lot.  once, in 2005, i stopped worrying so much.  the freedom was amazing.  i just trusted God that everything would be o.k.  i quit my job (which i had moved to joplin to do), was being supported by my parents (which was kind of embarrassing) and floundering around for a new group of friends who weren't married (because all the D2 girls were hitched up except for legas and me.)  it was an amazing time.  it was that summer that i learned to trust and that  i studied romans in summer school and in a bible study and started grasping grace.  it was that fall that i learned about prayer and that led into worship.  and that led into service.  and it was just like God was saying, "watch this!"  "try this!"  and i just did it. and it was amazing.

but, i'm not really like that anymore.  somewhere along the deal, i quit trusting.  i started trying to control everything.  i started thinking more about myself than God.  i got lost in my busy schedule and pride and worry.

but, now i'm in a new place.  and i want to learn again.  and i want to get to know God again.  and i want to be more like him and love him more and love people and help them know him.  i want to be moved by his holy spirit again.  i want to hear his whispers again.

dean trune sent timmy two books (which was incredibly nice of him.)  the speed of trust by stephen m.r. covey, he recommended this one because we told him about how our youth group had been hurt, and that we are getting to know them, and we're building trust with each other.  and that book has been really insightful so far. 

he also sent a book called crazy love: overwhelmed by a relentless God,  by francis chan.  i don't remember talking with dean about this one. maybe he and timmy just had a talk about it, or maybe he just thought we needed to know about it.  either way, timmy loves it and is also a little scared of it.  there is a chapter where francis lists all these characteristics of a lukewarm Christian.  and timmy was really convicted.  i haven't read it yet.  but i think a change is coming.

revival?  i hope so.  i want it.  i want to see it.

love.

love.