today

we are at starbucks in quincy, il.  we ate lunch at jimmy johns, i walked around quincy mall, and now we're at starbucks.  i think we're going to get papa johns for din din.  we had to drive an hour to get to these comforts.  

this past week was hard.  loneliness was almost constant.  its so weird. so many good things are happening here.  im glad we're here.  loneliness just creeps around.  me no likey.

out of all the incredible things that happened this past week, our car was in bad shape (oh roadhog!) and we needed to get a new ball joint, but they needed to replace another part as well (the control arm) and it added up to about $700.  which (it probably goes without saying) we don't have.

so.  last week, a guy from church called timmy and asked him to bring the car by his shop to take a look at it.  then he loaned timmy a car.  then he fixed our car's ball joint, the control arm, and the break pads... for free.  

FREE.  

im still pretty much shocked.  humbled.  in disbelief.  but our car doesn't squeak or grind anymore, so it's really fixed.  im just amazed that someone did that for us.

...

i've also been really blessed to have a mentor here.  im in a group with two girls in high school and our leader.  anyway.  this last time we met, God showed me how prideful i've become.  for some reason, i've been looking back to almost two years ago, and thinking about how close to God i had been and for some reason, i felt that those times justified my spiritual laziness now.  i felt so foolish confessing my laziness.  but out of that God is bringing revival to my own heart.  a stronger desire to read, pray and journal, now. 

i remember praying at dioko and asking God to bring revival to our own hearts so that revival could happen on a larger scale; if it happened in ten people, how many others would it happen in?  and we watched it spread.  then we burned out.  i think because we forgot that God was doing the reviving.  not us.  anyway.  i need him to revive me again.  i've become a dried up creek bed.  i feel like i have nothing to give.  i want more of his love, more of his life, his actions, his heart; i want those to rush into/through/out of me.

any good thing that im doing now, is coming from the spirit.  im a lonely tired mess.

today if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts. (hebrews 3.14-16)

love.