Saturday, November 15, 2008

chill.

i'm just so tired of feeling stressed out.  i've struggled with anxiety for a long time.  i worry about crazy things that are probably never going to happen.  and sometimes i worry about things that very well might happen, but i really shouldn't worry about them until they actually do happen.

summer 2005 was the most relaxing time ever.  nothing went right, or maybe i should say, according to plan.  i just trusted God.  it was amazing.  that was the summer i met timmy.  i liked him.  i was praying and i felt God say, "Wait."  so i did.  after the summer ended, katrina hit the gulf coast and lindsay was like, "you wanna go help?" and i said no.  but then i was praying about it and i told God why i didn't want to go, i said, "i've got stuff to do this weekend..." and the thought crossed my mind, "they had stuff to do this weekend."  so i packed a bag and called lindsay back... "i changed my mind, ill go..."

i just did stuff if i thought i was going to make a difference.  now i think life in general is more settled, and that probably means i need to listen a little harder for what God wants me to do.  but that's happened before too.  living in podunk joplin, we had some insane spiritual adventures with the Lord.  

now i think i've just settled into mediocrity and whats worse; i've let myself get content with mediocrity.  we're kind of buddies now.

this week, im driving down to arkansas by myself.  timmy's going to a youth ministry conference with some ministers from this area.  im a little nervous about taking such a long drive by myself (i've never done that before) but my plan is to just enjoy it.  because honestly, some of my favorite experiences are just mediocre things, like a good meal, or being cuddled up by timmy, or christmas morning, or a rain storm... you know, regular stuff that i just enjoyed.

that's the worst thing about worry.  it totally robs me from enjoying what ever is happening right now.  so the new goal list is something like this i guess;
1.  enjoy the moment.
2.  have conversations with God.
3.  trust what God says.

oh... anyway...

love.



No comments: